MCA #0, Friday morning

[grenadesandohana]

Steve had been avoiding nightmares by avoiding sleep like a total genius, but not being actually possessed of superpowers, eventually his body's need for rest and healing beat out his stubbornness and he was crashed out on the sofa, twitching slightly as his subconscious played out the greatest hits of last weekend:

"Know this," Hassan said as Steve woke back up, "tonight, you'll die in this room."

Steve let out a small sigh. He was captured by the Taliban. He knew how this story ended, but it was still a shock to the system to hear it stated so baldly. He should've insisted on back-up. At least Catherine was clear, or else he would've woken up to gloating. He tuned back into what Hassan was saying: "But how you die is up to you. If you confess your sins to the world, you death will be swift, merciful."

"My sins," Steve repeated, rolling his eyes. Well. Eye. One was swollen closed. "What have I done?"

"You have invaded our holy lands. You're guilty of countless atrocities against the righteous," Hassan spat.

"You strap bombs onto innocent children so they can go and kill more innocent civilians," Steve yelled back, "and you call yourself righteous."

Well, he thought as Asshole #2 dislocated his shoulder, there goes the swift, merciful death.

He moaned softly and shifted on the sofa as beside him the three suddenly sentient reindeer began to close in.

[OOC: For the surfing buddy!]

Comments

[hatesparadise]

Yeah, that was quite a thing, wasn't it?

One of them reached out a plastic hoof in a menacing fashion, going to strangle Steve into submission for its own evil holiday cheer.

[grenadesandohana]

Steve might not be at a hundred percent--or even close, really--but he was trained enough to realize when something was trying to kill him.

His eyes flicked open, went absolutely gobsmacked for a second, and then he leaped on top of the now weirdly solid reindeer.

[hatesparadise]

Oh yeah, it was time for the holiday to get just buck wild. Pun not intended.

Two of the reindeer pounced to hold him down as the one with the cattle prod still duct taped to its hoof came closer.

[grenadesandohana]

"Danno'll never let me hear the end of that," Steve groaned, kicking the armed deer right under the chin then rolling off of the first one and reaching for the knife he had taped under the sofa.

Like you do.

[hatesparadise]

No, Steven. Not 'like you do'. That was still ridiculous.

The cattle prod made an ominous crackling noise. As the reindeer struggled to keep him still, heedless of the knife.

"Steve?"

Yeah, Danny was never gonna let him live this down.

[grenadesandohana]

"Little help here!" Steve said, jamming the knife up into one of the deer with the only arm he had that still worked.

[hatesparadise]

He was so lucky that Danny knew the tone of voice that implied Steve needed backup. Because Danny grabbed his gun and rushed into the room to find Steve wrestling with plastic reindeer.

"The hell?"

But he did shoot the cattle prod wielding one as it lunged up shock Steve. Because he was a damn professional.

[grenadesandohana]

"I don't know," Steve said, catching some of the slithering, blinking lights that had hidden underneath the sofa and used his good arm and his teeth to wrap the stuff around the wounded reindeer he'd already stabbed to choke it to death.

Because he was slightly terrifying.

[hatesparadise]

Friends helped each other out with murderous reindeer, but real friends helped you choke them out with sentient Christmas lights.

Which was exactly what Danny was doing now that cattle prod was down.

[grenadesandohana]

"This has been a hell of a week, Danno," Steve panted as he reached for the knife again to fling through the second deer's eye.

Gross, Steve.

[hatesparadise]

"What the absolute hell," Danny shouted now that the deer was dead. Well 'dead'.

[grenadesandohana]

"Exactly," Steve said, making everything that wasn't supposed to be moving wasn't freaking moving.

[hatesparadise]

Y'all team choked a plastic reindeer to death, so...

"I told you that cattle prod was a bad idea." Daniel, now was not the time.

[grenadesandohana]

"How was this the cattle prod's fault?" Steve said, getting off the floor with a wince he hoped Danny didn't catch and going off to get the cattle prod and...cattle prod the three reindeer a few times. Just to be sure.

[hatesparadise]

"Overkill much," Danny asked, narrowing his eyes at the wince. "We're tossing these onto the lanai and you're sitting down."

So Danny could check him over.

[grenadesandohana]

"I'm good," Steve insisted stubbornly.

That was from all the adrenaline.

[hatesparadise]

"Sit," Danny snapped, dragging the surprisingly heavy reindeer away from him.

[grenadesandohana]

"Fine," Steve said, making a face at him as he sat down again.

[hatesparadise]

"Actual child," Danny muttered to himself, wincing at the snow and the shrieking of a mistletoe once he got the side door open to toss them out.

"Why are you even bothering? He doesn't care!"

"Cram it!" Look, Danny wasn't in the mood for this right now.

[grenadesandohana]

Know what a guy who has busted ribs probably shouldn't be doing? Dragging another deer out onto the lanai.

And yet.

[hatesparadise]

"Steven, what did I just say?" Danny demanded. "What did I just say?"

"Nag, nag, nag!" The mistletoe sang gleefully. "It's a wonder you have any friends at all!"

[grenadesandohana]

"Shut up," Steve told the mistletoe, throwing a knife into it (because shooting a hole into Rey's lanai would be rude).

[hatesparadise]

The mistletoe made an affronted noise where it was pinned against the underside of Rey's balcony. "And you! How long before this one dies or gives up on you?"

"Inside," Danny snapped, giving the mistletoe the worst glare.

[grenadesandohana]

"I'll come back out here with a match and we'll see how that goes," Steve threatened.

[hatesparadise]

"Do not set things on fire," Danny replied with a sigh, trying to shove him back inside. "Are you trying to burn this place down?"